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Saturday, October 15th, 2005

Subject:Laur Marie H -- a Lauren Hoffman epilogue. (november 2012)
Time:12:58 am.
Ten years after she began keeping her online journal, Lauren Hoffman has secured a place for herself in the world. She tells the story best herself -- after all, she does tell stories for a living, with vivid colors and sweeping takes and scenes -- but she leaves out the harder times, the memories that affected her to make her the person she is now.

Letting go of Stoneybrook was harder than she'd imagined it would be. She found herself holding on to the memories, good and bad, especially when she was still in UConn. They filled her with doubt, and she almost gave up hope of getting into art school, when finally she received the acceptance letter she'd been waiting for.

A year after starting school in Savannah, Lauren's mother had a heart attack. She spent days in intensive care until finally she passed away from complications. Lauren would have wanted to take the rest of the semester off -- it was mid-October -- but her aunt Darcie told her not to. Despite her strained relationship with her aunt, Lauren began to understand her reasons for being the way she was. She finished the semester and was later grateful for her aunt's advice, as she would already have to take several summer courses as it was to graduate on time. From then on, when she went home, she and Darcie slowly but surely mended their rather broken ties. Lauren knew she would never feel as close to her aunt as she had to her mother, but she was glad to have family to fall back on. Later they would tell each other that Valarie, Lauren's mother, was always working too hard, ignoring her health in favor of theirs. Even though it wasn't true, Lauren would feel responsible for causing that, and she knew that her aunt thought the same about herself.

Lauren plowed through her courses, some more enjoyable than others, but all interesting and ultimately necessary for her to achieve her goal. Through projects and film festivals and friends, she met the people who would later form Hai Hai Art with her. She had a yearlong relationship with an interactive design and game development major. The relationship ended on good terms, and Lauren bounced back quickly, dedicating herself to her classwork and the projects she and her circle of friends were constantly working on.

By the time Lauren got her MFA animation, Hai Hai Art was ready to launch their first graphic novel, Ann Zhel, which would later be their first full-length animated film. It was well-received, and soon they were producing a longer-running comic book series and several shorts.

At present, the group are working hard on the Ann Zhel movie. Lauren still hasn't fallen in love, and allows herself to daydream about that when she has the time, usually early in the morning or late at night. She's happy where she is now, though, and believes that if she waits, good things will come, just like with everything that's already happened so far.

This is Lauren today.



haihaiart.com/laurmarieh/

whose section you're in: l.m. hoffman


this is a bad profile, which is a shame, since i write at least half of all our scripts!Collapse )

Friday, October 29th, 2004

Subject:*sigh*
Time:10:49 pm.
Mood: sad.
Y'know how there are times when you're all happy and you know it only takes one thing to bring you down and you tell yourself to expect it to come? Well, I ignored myself and it sucked. IwanttogotoSavannaaaaaaah.

Emma's brother loves it there. He seemed so happy about it. ARG.

Anyway, Halloween is coming up. Catharyn invited me to a Samhain thing the pagan group is holding. I think I'll go. It sounds like a better time than being here alone all night good time.

The lavendar incense is supposed to be relaxing. I feel groggy. Does that count?

Saturday, October 23rd, 2004

Subject:Omoshiroi.
Time:12:24 pm.
Mood: relaxed.
I met this guy through the anime club. Well, he isn't in the club. He's related to a friend of mine, who I met through the club (she's in the club). He came up to visit her for the weekend and she introduced me, and he's like, wow.

And he goes to SCAD ohmygod! I think I may have scared him last night, what with all the is it cool, is it great, I want to go there so bad. He was so nice about it. I almost felt like I wasn't talking to Emma much. That's why I'm not going to IM anyone today and just do homework and/or draw.

...this weekend is going to be very quiet. And somewhat lonely. I can feel it.

Wednesday, October 6th, 2004

Subject:Been clubbing.
Time:3:43 pm.
Mood: blah.
The anime club is pretty cool. There aren't that many people, but it's not like it's just twenty full-fledged geeks talking about the philosophy of Neon Genesis Evangelion (which, by the way, is one of the favorites among many of the people there). This girl named Samantha lent me Shingetsutan Tsukihime (I finally get to see it!). It was a nice time, in general.

And Logan's just about the nicest person. I was all whiny and depressed and he listened. I'm so terrible. XD

I hate my bio class, though. -_-; I hate labs. So damn early.

Monday, September 6th, 2004

Subject:UConn.
Time:10:55 pm.
Mood: apathetic and unhappy.
Massive amounts of HATE.

My schedule's not so bad. Taking Japanese over the summer was sort of a waste. It's not like I could get into 102. I'm in 101, learning stuff I already know. I guess it's cool since I don't have to study much, but arg. -_-

My roommate is psychotic. Her side of the room is all dark and incense-y even though it's, like... a fire hazard. But she's not, like, a whore. She still has a better name than I do. She's a science major. What the hell is that? Isn't she supposed to be, like, the anti-science? Blah.

At least I'm not home, though. Maybe I could get a job. >.>;

Wednesday, August 18th, 2004

Subject:Huh.
Time:5:29 pm.
Mood: pensive.
I guess nobody knows anything about Wicca.

It's just as well. Knowing more than "it has to do with magic and stuff" might freak me out. Not that I don't know how to handle the freaking out. I just guess I don't want to know what to expect.

Mahou. Hmm. I wonder if Catharyn could be considered a mahou no shoujo.

Friday, August 13th, 2004

Subject:Oh God.
Time:2:53 pm.
Mood: INSANE.
My roommate is Wiccan. Like... yeah. Should I be scared? No. Of course not. I haven't even MET her yet, and when she called, we seemed to be on speaking terms (uh, that made no sense).

Her name is Catharyn. Yeah. Spelled like that. It makes my name look so plain. Lauren. Ugh. x_x; It's like, written down next to each other, I feel like I'm in middle school again and I'm standing next to a popular girl: Catharyn and Lauren. Lauren and Catharyn. What the hell is that!?

And then our last names. Mine is Hoffman. Hers is Reilly. Which can also be a first name. If somebody decides to call us by our last names, it'd be, "Hoffman! Reilly!" and for her it'd sound like an actual NAME, whereas for me it'd sound like I'm some household product or something.

I'm thinking about this WAY too much.

...I wonder if she has any nicknames. She probably hates Cat or Catty. I would. Cathy might pass, but with a name like Catharyn (it sort of sounds different than Catherine, y'know?), why would you want a nickname? Lauren, though -- I don't know. >.>;; Laur is fine with me. It's just not fun to yell out. It becomes "LAU~~~R". "LAURE~~~N" sounds better.

In Japanese, her name would sound like Kasarin Rairii, which is, again, cooler than Rooren Hofuman. (Not like that F sounds like an F anyway. It's more like Hohuman. x_x)

Someteimes I can't even live with myself. XD How can I expect someone else to? *sigh* This year will be very interesting... -_-

Friday, August 6th, 2004

Time:4:24 pm.
Mood: discontent.
My UConn roommate called me last night, and I still haven't gotten my housing assignment in the mail. And what's weirder is that she's from Massachusetts, so I keep thinking the mail carriers of Connecticut are conspiring against me to drive me insane.

Like I don't already fret enough as it is. x_x;

I don't want to go to UConn. -_-;

Tuesday, July 27th, 2004

Subject:Sigh.
Time:4:05 pm.
Mood: weird.
Watashi no inochi wa totemo kanashii desu.

Demo, watashi wa ureshii yo!


Don't know why, but I know I am.

Monday, July 26th, 2004

Subject:Haa.
Time:9:04 pm.
Mood: enthralled.
I can't believe I'd downloaded Kiseki no Umi and never listened to it. Someone hurt me, please. XD

...now I want to watch Record of Lodoss War... arg~~

Saturday, July 24th, 2004

Subject:Nemui yo.
Time:4:18 pm.
Mood: crushed.
Well, that's not true. I'm not sleepy. It's more like exhausted. Summer tires me a bit. And since I don't know the word for "tired", I use nemui -- sleepy.

Wow. That sounds so pathetic. I'm taking a CLASS over the SUMMER. ...what have I become? (Mom would say nothing, just myself. Aunt Darcie would say somewhat responsible, and not too much, at that.)

...yeeah. It's so hot. This is awful. I'm going outside to study.

I cannot get over how lame that sounds! And then, y'know, it's not like I can do anything about it. I still don't have a license (...ohmygod, sodepressing, cannotbreathe), and it's like Andi dropped off the face of the earth, and this is just so BLAH. x_x; Maybe I should've gone to see Dor's play. Then I could say I did something interesting.

Gaah. I worked on my portfolio a bit yesterday, at least. I should do newer things.

But for now... Japanese.

Monday, July 5th, 2004

Subject:O.o;;
Time:3:32 pm.
Mood: DEAD.
Is he serious!?

Excuse me, I have to go die now. I'll be back later. x_x

Monday, June 28th, 2004

Subject:Topic-bouncing.
Time:9:34 pm.
Mood: crazy.
Aunt Darcie says I'm driving her crazy with the Japanese. She says it's annoying and hopes I win a trip to Japan so I can just learn it and be done with practicing. I tell her it's not that easy, and it wouldn't be much easier in Japan because I'd just be all confused most of the time.

Mom, though. She sleeps most of the time, so she doesn't hear it. Although it would be funny if she woke up speaking Japanese because she's learning it subconsciously.

Father's Day makes me angry. (Call it delayed reaction.) I mean, sure, I should get Dad something, but it's not like it's easy to. All the cards are gushy and all "thank you for always being there" and "your advice has always been good even though it didn't seem like it at the time" and "I could always talk to you, I really appreciate it". Then even if I were to send an honest card, it'd be stupid. "Oh, hey, Dad. I know you haven't been around for most of my life and I see you about once every year and a few months, but I get money and presents from you. Those really helped me through my first crush and kept me drug-free. So, um, even though you haven't been there, I love you. Oh, yeah -- Happy Father's Day."

I get him neutral cards. They're usually the poetic-esque ones. Makes me sad, sort of, because I don't really know what it's like to live with a father. But, whatever, my reality is weird.

So I'm being bothered about getting a license again. I shouldn't be. I'm a horrible driver. (Well, not THAT bad, but when you're more than a little bit off on your turns, it gets... tricky. And heaven knows I can't park to save my life.) I'm doing the nation a favor by NOT getting a license.

...Rouren (Lauren) wa nemui desu.

Whoo! I made a sentence~~!

Whoo! I need to get out more!

Saturday, June 19th, 2004

Subject:I just thought of something.
Time:1:56 pm.
Mood: pensive.
I need someone to practice Japanese with. Other than myself, that is.

Who, though, who would help of their own will, without making me feel like I'm imposing?

Or I could just keep talking to my reflection and hope she doesn't walk away.

...maybe I should get a dog...

Um. No. Lunch (hiru gohan) is ready, and I'm hungry. I think better when I'm eating.

Tuesday, June 15th, 2004

Subject:Sunday.
Time:2:52 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
Sunday. The day of my first Japanese class. JAPANESE. OMGWTF.

Anyway.

So I walk into the room, and this lady bows to me and says, "Ogenki desu ka?" Now, I know a bit of how the Japanese respect thing works (a very little bit), so I bowed back. Then it was, "Um... hi?"

I knew she hadn't said hello or anything, but... yeah.

Turns out the lady was our teacher. The proper answer, I learned, was, "Hai, okagesamade," or, "Hai, genki desu."

Homework is to just study the stuff in the copies she gave us. And for me, to study that Japanese grammar book I now own~~!

Ee, hypergiddyglee!

So yeah... I called Andi when I said I would. I'm glad. It was so good to just talk about it, to tell someone. I couldn't have kept it to myself any longer. After dmitting out loud like that, I'm more relaxed. Granted, if I ever see him, I'm probably going to be a WRECK and act all stupid. x_x;;

...meh... x_x

Friday, June 11th, 2004

Subject:Graduation.
Time:1:47 pm.
Mood: determined.
Wow. I don't even know what to write. I mean, it's finally here. No more high school. And in just a few months, college, which means going away. It just hits you, y'know? It comes at you slowly, and then, when you look at your mental calendar or schedule -- bang.

A lot of us are going to UConn. That's good, I guess, because it'll help us adjust more easily. Of course, I couldn't get anyone from Stoneybrook to be my roommate, but that's just part of the experience. ^^; I wonder what sharing a room with someone is like. I've never done that before. I hope she isn't messy. I hope I'm not too messy.

Since UConn wasn't my first choice, I'm not really that excited. Sure, I get to leave the house (no more Aunt Darcie yes glee~~), but it's not the same as if I were going to Savannah. I doubt I'd even make it through the summer without dying from the excitement.

Sooner or later, though, I'll know, because I will get into SCAD. Ihopeihopeihope. *_*

I don't want to spend more than a year in UConn. If I have to, I'm going to ask about a study abroad program, so I can at least go to Japan while I wait to get in. I'll be working on a portfolio over the summer and throughout my time in UConn (how stupid of me to not have one the first time around). And it will be pretty, and it will get me a scholarship~~

Ooh, I just thought of BAAF. >_o; I want to go. I need to pick up some manga. Like... Clover. And Ayashi no Ceres. I haven't bought manga in ages. >.>; Now that I don't have to have lunch money, I can have it all be manga money. XD

I can't wait 'til I get to leave, though. I'll miss the tree (tree~!! *clings to*), but whatever. I'll come back to it. ^^

This has to be the best summer ever. *_*

Monday, June 7th, 2004

Subject:Damn. This is... just, damn.
Time:4:04 pm.
Mood: anxious.
I couldn't sink any lower in the pit of stupidity if I tried. I'm fully capable of picking up the phone and calling Andi, but I'm too much of an IDIOT to do that. What is it, phone-phobia? Telephobia? >_> Jesus.

I have to do it, though. I have to, because if I don't say something to someone I can trust I just KNOW something bad'll happen. Like, I'll explode or I'll do something really stupid that'll embarrass me and I'll end up regretting for as long as I live.

...wow. Overly paranoic, aren't we, now? x_x;;

I'll do it tomorrow. Right now... I just... I just need to be alone with Hikaru no Go!

Saturday, June 5th, 2004

Subject:Well, now.
Time:1:23 pm.
Mood: nostalgic.
There's a lot of anger flying around. I think it should be channelled into something... more useful, maybe? Something productive.

...I'm shutting up about that now...

But yeah! Lemme see. Um. Ohmygodprom. *_* I was all ready, okay with the fact that I was going alone, going to get there late and leave early, and then Charlie Thomas is at the door all dressed up and... wow. It was... surprising? (Behold: the understatement of the week.) I can't really put it in words. Suffice to say it was like a dream. Too unreal. But... it was real.

And then my computer died for a bit (I wept, I really did).

Graduation's soon. x_x;;

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

Subject:I thought some.
Time:7:10 pm.
Mood: determined.
Grace's post made me aware of the fact that, hey, we're graduating. x_o; It's insane, it seems like high school went by so fast.

Sheila said she's having a post-prom party... This is weird, but I'm actually thinking hard about whether or not I should go. I mean, there was a time when I said I didn't want to go to my senior prom.

Argg, pre-prom anxiety~~ How I loathe thee.

But, um, Charlie emailed me. ::^^:: It was nice, y'know, because I figured I was being left to recover of my own accord, since, of course, I have the best constitution in the world (...no! duhr! x_X!!).

Note to self: Work out! My God! X_X

My prom strategy is to go unnoticed. That way, I can pick my conversations and situations and have no one but myself to blame for a bad time, should I have a bad time. But I choose not to have a bad time, because this is my senior prom, and I shouldn't be having a bad time. Friendliest Girl should have a good time.

And that's what I'm going to do, even if I can't swing dance.

Tuesday, May 18th, 2004

Subject:Lessons in baking?
Time:1:43 pm.
Mood: pensive.
I think that whole apocalypse deal might be true. Just maybe.

Yeah. So I come home from school yesterday and find Aunt Darcie in the kitchen, setting bowls and ingredients out. She wasn't smiling, didn't acknowledge my presence. I feared for my life. It was... creepy. The fact that there was no escape kept picking at my brain for the few minutes it took to get settled.

It wasn't half bad, though. We got to talking about various things (eh x_x). It was informative. >.>;; Aunt Darcie can dance salsa. I didn't know that! I mean, I knew she could dance, but I didn't know she knew how to dance salsa. She was in a dance group when she was in high school, and she met Roland (her husband) there. She stopped when Roland died. But she said that, if I wanted to, she could teach me.

Is it bad that I said I'd think about it instead of just yes? Because I am genuinely interested. It's just that, well, we don't have the greatest relationship in the world and I wouldn't want to have to endure any snide comments.

Mom came home early from work today. She's upstairs sleeping.

I need a job.

LiveJournal for Lauren Hoffman.

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